Nothing changes, so everything's alright really, but sometimes i get false hope. It's like a disease, it's dangerous. Because nothing changes and i feel like i lost everything.
I knew it, i must have - i'm worse than them. Not as smart. Not as funny, not as lovely, not as easygoing as them. I want so many things i don't deserve, like happy life where i want to live it. Like many things i want to do and to see. Like good grades. Or approval. Or love.
Why do i even have friends? How can they tolerate me? If i were them, i wouldn't even talk to me. I hate myself, and i can justify this feeling. I can even make a list: i'm lazy, too ambitious, stupid, selfish, greedy, too emotional in a bad way, always nervous and moody and i have tons of bad habits, i'm weak, i'm immature, i have stupid dreams and stupid thoughts.
It's weakness that really bothers me though. I'd want to be tough... but i always need someone to hug me and tell me it's gonna be fine, and nobody can - which is not their fault, and i feel even worse. and. worse and worse. hopeless.
sorry for this, i'll try to stop whining