.I just don't know what to do
I've never felt so lost. And so horrible.
I don't feel at home anywhere anymore. I hate my mother - just suddenly, I can't stand anything at home, I have to scratch my skin till bloody marks everyday. I want to leave this country, i can't be here anymore.
But mother just... she says i have to finish university here, because if i won't, if i'll just study here for a year and leave, she'll have to pay. A great sum. And so I'll have to live here for 4 years
4 more years
i'll kill myself after the second one
i can't stay, i can't. i don't know if she's right, i don't know if
i don't know
but i just can't stay here. just. i don't know what to do now, it's like there's only one way, and it leads to hell
i want to just curl up and die. and to cut off all my skin. everything in this house, in this city, in this country haunts me, it's like i can never get away
i want somebody to come and save me from it, but nobody's going to. i want help, but who can help me here? i can't escape this hell. but i don't want to live like this anymore
just kill me somebody