The worst thing about all this is that I can't make myself want or need anyone more than him. This sickening feeling that he's the most important person in my life and I can't get rid of him in my mind. The feeling that, though I was humiliated and I kinda hate him, I still want him to be here, with me. Oh gosh he didn't even give me the reason to hate him, really... He Did Everything Right. Sadly, I'm not ironic rn, he did -_- And he's a good friend. He's the best friend I have now, even, cause all my other "friends" tend to treat me like an unimportant piece of shit lately. And by "lately" I mean "last several years". And I need a friend right now and that makes it even worse... feels horrible.