.Hell. I have to end it. But how? My feelings are absolutely illogical, there's no reason to feel that way. So. Why do i let this continue? Why do i keep looking for her, why do i still hope? When i was on the olympiad she promised we'll go out in April, somewhere about now... and now she can't. Now I'm left alone. What really bothers me is that my feelings are always obvious. I hate myself for that; she probably knows everything... everybody probably know s everything, it's written on my fucking face. I hate it. Why can't i just keep everything to myself? I know it's for the best, and still. I can't. And it hurts so much i can't breathe. She's just... special. Really, she's not somebody you meet everyday - she's somebody you hear about, somebody who seems so distant, because people so strange and extraordinary just don't live among us. Among people like me. I'm drawn to her and she doesn't care about me at all. Why should she? Why do i care? Hell if i know. I want to just leave it. I can stop seeing her, after all, i can just don't talk to her at lyceum - because she never wants to talk to me, she never goes to me, never ever, it's always me who finds her - without a reason. I just want to see her, it's like an addiction, I can't resist this need to go and look at her and try to talk to her. I want to look inside her head, I want to see the world she hides. But i know, i certainly know by now: she'll never let me. It hurts like hell.